We all know that women are kind of vindictive, right? We’re mean, nasty, overly-emotional and just can’t keep our pretty little heads about us when making those really complicated decisions that men should be handling in the first place.
Enter Janis Lane, a retired marketing manager and the Central Mississippi Tea Party President, who had the ovaries to finally say what we’ve all been thinking anyway.
In a recent interview with the Jackson Free Press, Lane stood tall and set the record straight on the always pressing issue of women, the vote, and the 19th Amendment. She did this in answer to whether or not men should mind their own beeswax when it comes to the ladies and their bodies. Take it away, Jan.
‘Our country might have been better off if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than a bunch of mean, hateful women.’
Ok, sure, I’m with you, Jan. Mean and hateful people suck. Who can argue with that? And a mean, hateful woman will put the fear of God into even the strongest man or woman. And we can’t have that, now can we.
Of course, there are mean and hateful men out there as well (just look at my ex) but they’ve probably got good reason for being that way, I’m sure. Hell, it’s probably living with some silly woman who doesn’t know her place that led to all that meanness and hatefulness bubbling up in them in the first place.
Good, ole Jan, though, doesn’t stop with mean and hateful when describing the sisterhood. Nope, she whips out her thesaurus and brandishes a real corker of a word.
‘[Women] are diabolical in how they can skewer a person.’
Diabolical is a great word. The problem is, diabolical conjures up, for me at least, Satan. And it’s a Satan with red, glowing eyes, gleefully rubbing his hands together as he stokes a particularly hot fire. Perhaps that really is how we present ourselves. But men? Apparently not.
‘I do not see that in men.’
Well, Jan, maybe you need to get out more, because I promise you that there are plenty of nasty men out there. Never mind my ex, you need not look further than Donald Trump. Or Jesse James. Or Carl Rove. But again, what made them that way? It’s almost certainly a woman who led them down that hateful, diabolical path.
‘The whole time I worked, I’d much rather have a male boss than a female boss. Double-minded, you can never trust them.’
Again, I’m with you, Jan. I find that my well-honed feminine wiles work much better on men than on women. Those pesky, mean, diabolical women don’t fall for my batting eyelashes, simpering smiles and the endless ego strokes I toss about in an effort to have my way. And it sucks, I tell ya, it sucks, that after a lifetime of honing those skills I’m often faced with some noxious lady boss who has not only taken what is rightfully a man’s position, but she doesn’t understand that I should be judged on my ability to make her feel good, not on my ability.
But if Jan doesn’t think women should have the right to vote – and thus, I assume, does not believe women should be involved in politics at all – how did she end up the Central Mississippi Tea Party President, which would be, by definition, a heavily involved political position which would presumably wield a certain amount of power. Over men. Jan has an answer.
‘Because women have the right to vote, I’m active, because I want to make sure there is some sanity for women in the political world.’
Whew! She’s only doing this because she wants to protect us women from ourselves! Thank goodness Jan is on the case – we can rest easy at night knowing she’ll fight for our right to give up all our power. Thank you, Jan!
And what is Jan doing with all this unwanted power and influence?
‘It’s up to the Christian rednecks and patriots to stand up for our country.’
Redneck Christians. I have to pause for a moment to bone up on this Christian Redneck thing because, let’s face it, that sounds damned intriguing.
This guy really grabbed my attention, and I can see where Jan would think he would be much better at shaping the world and the future of women than women themselves. He’s got a real way with words.
While that guy is on to something big, there are others who perhaps don’t take their Christian Redneck-ism as seriously as they should.
Anyway, enough sidetracking. Let’s listen to more of Jan’s justification for us lady folks sticking our noses into what is, essentially, man’s work.
‘Everyone has the right to vote now that’s 18 and over and a legal citizen, and everybody that’s 18 and over and a legal citizen should be active in local politics so they can make a change locally, make a change on the state level and make a change in Washington, D.C.
Well, there you have it, girls. Get involved and make your mark; if you do it well enough (without being too diabolically mean and hateful) you might just unburden yourself of that pesky right to vote and can leave it up to your big, strong man to make decisions for you that will be sure to make your life serving him so much easier and more peaceful.
Just ask the Surrendered Wives.